Last night we celebrated mass at home in commemoration of my late mother-in-law’s birthday. A few relatives and my children attended the mass. They stayed a while after dinner and when it was time to go home my second son said goodbye and then embraced and said with a smile “miss you na dad.” Then a while later my youngest daughter embraced me and said “had a rough day at the office today, need a hug.” Then when my eldest daughter was leaving she gave me a kiss and said “Good night dad.” These three actions of my children meant a lot to me. It gave me the assurance of being connected to them and I would like to think that they too felt a connection. The hug, the kiss, all physical touches said to me a lot more then the words they said.
Now it seems very easy and natural for our family to show our love through physical touch but it was very hard for me in the beginning. I had two things going against me in the beginning. First my parents were not demonstrative at all and the only time I can remember being touched was when my mother would touch my forehead to see if I had fever. I am sure they embraced and kissed me when we were small and cute but I guess at some point they stopped. That is why I cannot remember now. The other thing going against me was somehow in my adolescent and early adult life I must have been trained by things I read or saw in the movies that touching consequently ends in sexual intercourse and that is why it should not be done in public. So as the children were growing up and becoming less cute I stopped touching them. Slowly the only touch that occurred was when I arrived from office I would bend and my children would kiss me on the cheeks. Then one day Cora told me our children are growing up… why don’t I try to embrace and hug them more. So the next day when I got home from work instead of just bending I picked up my 4 year old daughter and embraced her. She was at first surprised and uncomfortable… and so was I. 
After that I continued doing it to all of them although at times I was not too comfortable with it. As they were growing up Cora and I attended the Worldwide Marriage Encounter which encouraged us to hug and to use physical touch as a sign of love and be more demonstrative with each other. It also encouraged us to be more demonstrative with our children. So this practice of hugging and kissing continued during the adolescent and adult life of our children. I think now that they are all adults and married we are all comfortable and appreciate the hugs and kisses we give to each other. We don’t care if at times others will say we are too mushy. We feel close and connected when we do this. Of course we were also prudent especially when they were teenagers. We tried to refrain from being too mushy in front of their peers. Being connected physically is great for a family and I don’t think it is ever too late to start. The rewards are great especially as we parents grow older.
1 comment:
I was touched by this entry. When we were growing up as teens, my father had been very reluctant to be all touchy-feely with us too. And as we all left home to start our own lives, there was so much regret that we didn't connect as much as we should have when we were all still under one roof. We did manage to catch up on the hugs and affectionate gestures, but the time lost is still a cause of sadness, especially now that our dad is gone. Thank you for this reminder.
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